Thursday, April 14, 2016

X-Files: Redux Part I 'Shipper Survey

One of the things we get with season openers are the oversized Mytharc episodes, where there's so much conspiracy to unpack that they split the stories up into a season-ending cliffhanger the previous year and an exhausting two-parter the next.

Season Five opened up with a big one, as this was the season that everyone knew was prologuing towards the big screen Movie, so a lot had to be addressed.

As a reminder to the readers here, Season Five is when I started the 'Shipper Survey posts on so the number of questions here is smaller than it would be for the later Mytharc / 'Shipper-friendly episodes. That said, here goes...

X-Files 'Shipper Survey: REDUX

Well, I missed this the first time around, since I really started these with "Detour," but thank God for re-runs, ya?

1) As the episode begins with a flashback to "Gethsemane" and leads into Mulder discovering his upstairs neighbor is a bit of a snoop, you realize:

A) That the Punk should have noticed earlier the sawdust on the floor from where the hole was drilled

B) That Mulder wasn't going to kill himself because he hadn't returned "Sorority Sex Kittens II" to the rental store yet

C) That the guy upstairs must have about two months worth of video proving Dana and Fox did a lot, hand-holding...(very wicked grin)

2) Scully returns to her apartment, checks her answering machine ("You have zero messages") and goes to change her clothes. As she pulls at her shirt, we hear Mulder whisper in the shadows, "Take it off, FBI woman." You:

A) Want Scully to hit the Punk with a Holy Trout, not only because he snuck into her apartment but most likely erased all of the messages left by Scully's mom

B) Wonder why Scully didn't see Mulder's car out front

C) Wish Dana would plop a Sarah McLachlan CD into the player and slowly -seductively- strip to that cool song "Wait"...deeeeeep sigh...

3) Mulder reveals he killed the guy upstairs, and that he has evidence someone in the FBI has set them up all these years. As he asks Scully to lie for him, you decide:

A) That the Blessed One would lie is a complex issue that must be investigated at the next #OBSSE chat this Friday

B) That when the credits for the guy who plays Blevins (Charles Cioffi) flashed on the screen, you figured out who the inside leak was!

C) That Dana and Fox are going to have to hug now because it looks like they're splitting up to chase different clues for the rest of the episode (Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...)

4) Skinner confronts Scully about the apparent suicide of Mulder. You realize:

A) That the SRE she just used on her boss doesn't sound as convincing as the ones she's used in Darin Morgan episodes

B) That Mulder's neighbors must be grateful that the bastard's finally gone...I mean, all those shootings, all those dead bodies, all that basketball bouncing, sheesh!...

C) That Walter's looking at Dana the wrong way...Nooooooooooo!...

5) Scully goes to the basement office and checks with the internal telephone operators about the phone numbers leading to the inside leak. As Holly from "Pusher" gives help and consolation, you:

A) Want the Blessed One to kick that nameplate off Mulder's desk and put hers in its place

B) Scream at Holly to run because the producers have this bad habit of killing off all the cute, young FBI agents who help out

C) Wait for Dana to admit to her friend, "Yeah, well, thank you for your concern, you know...I just...I "trusted" him...(sniff) (sniff)..." **

6) The guy who tipped off Scully and Mulder about the alien autopsy hoax, Kritschgau, meets Mulder in the DOD offices and escorts him through the building, all the while expounding on the history of government cover-ups. While pictures of various military projects, experiments, nuclear tests, quickly flash on the screen to supplement the ongoing narration, you:

A) Know St. Scully will appear shortly to give a medical warning for possible epileptic seizures

B) Realize the editors from Oliver Stone's "JFK" have taken over the post-production of this episode

C) Believe you caught a "Blink-And-You'll-Miss-It" shot of Dana and Fox at a wedding

7) Skinner confronts Scully, revealing the lie about the dead man in Mulder's apartment. Scully confronts Skinner, convinced for some reason that Skinner is the inside leak. Your response is:

A) To worry that Psychic!Scully's powers may be waning as her cancer kills her

B) To worry that your bet about Blevins being the leak might not pay off

C) To worry that Dana's not taking the time to call Fox with the message "I'm fine"

8) Mulder finds CancerMan's closet. While he's looking for a cure for Scully, you wish:

A) That the Punk would find some holy water so Autumn can bless more trout with it

B) That he'd find a wooden box marked "Tanis Artifact RE: Dr. Jones, H. - Classified 1936" with something humming inside

C) That not only will he find a cure for Dana but he'll also find a diamond ring and the courage to offer it to her...deep sigh...

9) Mulder escapes from the underground passageways holding what may be the cure for Scully's cancer. But as he leaves, CancerMan steps from the shadows oddly smiling. You scream out:

A) "Oh NO! The Punk's grabbed the wrong thing!"

B) "Oh NO! That building has no "No Smoking" policy!"

C) "Oh NO! Fox didn't find that diamond ring!"

10) We see Scully as she was in "Gethsemane" before Blevins' committee. As she tries to reveal her conclusion that Skinner is the traitor, blood drips from her nose and she collapses. We cut to the Lone Gunmen testing the contents of the vial found by Mulder, but they discover it's only de-ionized water. As the episode concludes with a "To Be Continued" message, you:

A) Pull out your Holy Handkerchiefs and pray for the Blessed One's recovery

B) Sigh and wait for the final chapter which apparently has CancerMan saying, "Join Me, Fox, and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son"

C) Weep that Fox wasn't there to console Dana in her hour of need

** Author's note: I think by now EVERY X-Phile (and not just the 'Shippers) knows that "trust" means "love" where Mulder and Scully are concerned...deep sigh...

If you more often than not answered:

A) Then you are an OBSSEr who's convinced Scully was going to say to the committee members watching her nose bleed, "I'm fine, really..."

B) Then you are an X-Phile who's already tired of repeats this summer and can't wait for the movie...hurry up!...

C) Then you are a 'Shipper who's upset that Dana and Fox didn't strip for each other when they had the chance...sigh...

So who wants to see Redux Part II Survey?!  ...Anyone...?

No comments:

Post a Comment