Monday, March 30, 2015

So Of Course There's the Fandom Chatter About What We Want In the Revival Series...

For meself, a crossover with Doctor Who wouldn't kill anybody... but you can ask these people over here what you'd expect.

Considering the Doctor is going to confront ARYA STARK:
Yes, that sh-t is choice...
We might as well bring ALL the geek shows together so we can BLOW OUR MINDS...
I'm looking but I don't see Mulder or Scully...
or Battlestar Galactica or Babylon 5 people...

Sunday, March 29, 2015

The X-Files: Deep Throat 'Shipper Survey

(Just a reminder: Comments field should be Open. Yes, I am desperate for feedback.  If it's not working, email me here)


1) The episode begins with really cheesy 70s music and orgasmic gasping in the background. You realize:

A) You've grabbed the wrong "Deep Throat!" Get that tape out before the kids get home!

B) That you shouldn't have borrowed this from Mulder's collection

C) That if Fox thinks this would be a good date movie for him and Dana, he's got another think coming! (mutter) (grumble)

2) Actually, the episode begins in Idaho, where military police are storming into a home to capture a pilot on the edge of a massive breakdown. We then move on to Washington, DC, where we catch Agent Scully waiting by herself in a crowded bar. As Mulder moves in real close to chat with her, you:

A) Hope that Scully was able to beat away all the drunken idiots who propositioned her while she waited for the Punk to show up (what, you didn't see all those guys wiping away spilled drinks off their ties?)

B) Wonder if Scully worked the jukebox in hopes of finding her favorite song "It's Raining Men"

C) Consider the evidence: Mulder asks Scully to meet him in a bar with a friendly atmosphere; he moves in so close you'd swear he wanted to kiss her; asks to buy her a drink; then he wants to move to a quiet table to "show her something" he couldn't show her at the office. YES! Fox is going to give Dana that engagement ring we've been hoping for!!!! (blissful sigh)

3) Mulder has a case file on the pilot that went postal: the military police took him four months ago and won't return him to his family, so the pilot's wife is charging the military with kidnapping. Scully ponders why Mulder is so interested in a case that doesn't seem to have anything paranormal about it, but Mulder notes there might be "a certain paranormal bouquet." As he stands to head to the Little Boys' room, you note:

A) That little look in Scully's eye that says, "Oh, no. Not another bug hunt."

B) How Mulder can't hold his beer

C) That huge intake of breath Dana did as Fox passed...ah, yes, she loves the bouquet of Fox in the afternoon...;-)

4) As Mulder washes his face, he looks up to see a man (Jerry Hardin) standing quietly at the bathroom door. While he admits he can be of some help to Mulder's work on the X-Files, he warns him not to get involved with this particular case, as it would endanger Mulder's work and possibly the agents' lives. As Deep Throat turns to go, you ponder:

A) Why Deep Throat didn't go warn Scully: after all, she'd never shrug him off the way the Punk just did

B) If the real Deep Throat from the Watergate scandal is watching this at home and calling his lawyer about the theft of his would think he'd have trademarked it... NOTE: As of 2008 we now know Deep Throat was Mark Felt, a high-ranking official with the FBI. And he had nothing to do with UFOs. Hiring spooky guys to team up with perky skeptical redheads, though, we'll probably never know...

C) What Dana is getting Fox for Christmas...well, there's not a 'Shippy moment in this scene, so your thoughts are expected to wander a bit...

5) Mulder chases out after Deep Throat, but he loses him. As the camera tracks Mulder's vision until it rests on Scully, you:

A) Task the Punk for not asking Scully to be a lookout while he goes to the bathroom

B) Realize Deep Throat is hiding under a table telling those sitting there it's all part of a prank he's pulling

C) Notice how Fox gets distracted when he spies the way Dana has her silky sexy legs crossed like that...good eye, Fox! (nudge nudge) (wink wink)

6) Scully does her own digging, finding out that Ellens AFB is a hot spot for UFO activities. She calls Mulder to confront him on this matter, but's he too busy worrying about some suspicious clicks on his phone and that mysterious truck spying on his apartment. Later, they find themselves at the doorstep of Mrs. Budahas, who lists some odd behavior by her husband, and points out that other pilots have also suffered nervous breakdowns. As the agents watch one of those guys pretend he using his own hair for fly-fishing, you:

A) Know that Scully is worried Mulder is going to join the guy in making that lure and then going off to go fish in the nearest swimming pool

B) Realize that guy is going to need a serious supply of Rogaine

C) Picture Dana and Fox moving in to a nice suburb like this, with kids playing in the yards, barbeque on the grill, UFOs whizzing by at Mach 10 overhead...

7) Our intrepid heroes try to find a military official that would talk, even confronting one at his own home. While they're busy annoying the colonel, they're getting annoyed with a reporter asking them about their investigation. As Mulder asks the reporter about where he can talk to locals who claim to see UFOs, Scully goes into her "Oh, THIS again" pose. Which means you know when they get in the car:

A) That she is going to chew him out for giving a reporter the impression they're looking for UFOs...dammit, don't embarrass her like that!...

B) That the reporter guy is going to put their picture in the paper next to the headline "FBI Seeks Arrest of E.T." even though the little guy was innocent...E.T.'s innocent, I tell you!...

C) That Fox is going to be able to take Dana to a great place for lunch...his treat...(sigh)

8) Mulder does indeed take Scully out to lunch, at a diner named "Flying Saucer" (oh, he WOULD, wouldn't he?) where they spot fuzzy pictures of UFOs. Mulder offers to buy one of a triangle-shaped object for $20. As Scully leans over to smirk a "sucker!" at him, you:

A) Cheer Scully on. Damn right he's getting suckered!

B) Ponder, "That can't be a UFO. It's doesn't look like a hubcap at all!"

C) Wish that Fox and Dana took that lean-in moment to sneak a quick kiss before the bartender caught them

9) Mulder drags Scully off to the edge of Ellens AFB to witness UFOs, but leaves her at the car while she warns him this will not look good in her report. As night falls, Scully is caught sleeping as something flies by and shatters the car window. As Mulder gleefully runs back to the car with a "You gotta see this, Scully," you respond with:

A) A quizzical, "Sorry, Mulder, you showed her that last time and she still doesn't think it's that big...of a deal. Big of a deal. There. That's what I meant..."

B) A defensive, "It's a weather balloon, Mulder...with crash-test dummies attached to it...and that weird engine noise is just variance in the substratic air pressure caught in the Pacific jet stream..."

C) An eager, "Oh, boy, oh boy, it is something big and sparkly on top of a gold ring?!?!" (swoon)

10) The lights they watch fly off into the clouds, but new lights approach, this time attached to helicopters buzzing a teenage couple sneaking out of Ellens AFB. Mulder and Scully race off with the kids and flee to a diner, where they interrogate the youngsters on what they saw. When you realize the dude is Seth Green B.B. (Before Buffy), you ponder:

A) If Sarah Michelle Gellar could ever pass muster as a young college-bound Dana Scully if they ever make a "X-Files: the Early Years" movie...well, she'd have to dye her hair, of course...

B) If the two shows ever do a cross-over, would Mulder glare at him and go, "Didn't I see you in Idaho? I did!"...but then Willow would get all upset ("Idaho?! How could you, Oz?") and there'd be a lot of teen angst before slicing and dicing the MOTW...

C) If Dana and Fox are playing footsies under the table while they interview the teens...well, it would be tough since they're sitting next to each other, but all they have to do is wrap one leg over the other and drop a hand down while no one's looking so they can...can...well, you know...

11) After dropping the teens off somewhere, Mulder and Scully argue about what the teens actually saw that night. "If I were that stoned..." Scully notes, and when Mulder goes, "Ooo, if you were that stoned, what?..." you reply:

A) "She'd write a thesis on the twin paradox conceived by Einstein to prove time travel...oh, wow, so THAT'S how she thought it up!..."

B) "Uh-oh. That would explain why she took the urine test four times at Quantico!..."

C) "Well, she's never been THAT stoned, but a glass of red wine is bound to get her giddy!"

12) While Mulder and Scully were out stargazing ('Shippers, you can sigh once), Budahas had been returned, but in a whacked-out state of mind convincing his wife he's not the real Budahas. Mulder quizzes him at length to spot any sign of memory loss, and you notice:

A) That Scully could have determined his true identity with one question: "Okay, sir, just what color is your underwear? Purple?! Okay, Punk, get your flippers up where we can see them!"

B) That the guy's a Packers fan, so that explains his hazy thought processes (GO BUCS!)

C) That Dana should expect this kind of memory loss from Fox after the wedding...especially near anniversaries...(regretful sigh)

13) Driving away from the Budahas residence, Mulder and Scully argue about what has happened to him: Scully thinks his amnesia is stress-related, Mulder believes his memory was selectively erased, removing knowledge of military-built UFOs reverse-engineered from the crash at Roswell. When the local traffic suddenly gets congested with black cars, you discover:

A) That if Mulder had gone on the interstate like Scully asked, they wouldn't run into this kind of traffic

B) That the two shouldn't debate and drive at the same time

C) That Dana and Fox could have gotten out of this trap if they had pulled over and pretended to be a teenage couple making out in the back seat...I'm serious, it could work!...

14) After the nice meeting with the MIB Welcome Wagon, Mulder and Scully make it back to the hotel where they find out their attackers have no traceable ID. Obviously, there's something afoot at Ellens AFB that requires this kind of secrecy. Scully argues that the government does have a right to protect secrets when it involves national security. Mulder argues if that security is worth it when it hurts individual citizens. You argue:

A) That there's no such thing as UFOs...there IS, thankfully, such a thing as cookie dough ice cream, ya!...

B) That you've been from one end of the galaxy to another, and you've seen a lot of strange things, but you've never seen anything like some all-powerful Force controlling everything...there's no mystical energy that dictates your destiny! It's all a simple bunch of tricks and nonsense...

C) That these two should stop arguing, calm down, hold hands, and (descriptives deleted to protect younger viewers)

15) Mulder seemingly relents to Scully's argument, leaving her hotel room to go get "cleaned up." Next thing Scully hears is the car engine and Mulder driving off to God-Knows-Where. As Scully reacts to the first Mulder!Ditch in recorded history, you react by:

A) Cursing Mulder out as a self-obsessed Punk who's only to get himself in deep trouble and drag poor Scully into the quagmire with him...(curse should include his being slapped by a large fish-like object)

B) Cursing the forces of darkness that walk the halls of power...damn t.v. executives keep putting these damn commercials on, interrupting shows when you least expect it! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL...

C) Cursing Fox for not bringing Dana along to get "cleaned up" in an arousing, sexually charged shower scene...hey, wait, he's DITCHING HER?! NOOOOOOOOOO...

16) The teens take Mulder back to the fence surrounding Ellens AFB. He gets directions on where to go and learns of the "Yellow Hanger" where they keep the UFOs, even though no one's been out that far. As the kids try to warn Mulder about the dangers ahead, you realize:

A) That how can anyone know it's a yellow hanger when no one's ever been out that far? It's like noting a ball is red before you've observed it! (This is, of course, an appropriate Scully answer)

B) That those kids should have prioritized their warnings, letting Mulder know about the landmines before...Ka-BLAM...never mind...

C) That if Fox is heading for the make-out spot, he damn well should have taken Dana with him! (mutter)(grumble)

17) Mulder waits until nightfall, then he goes out to the airfield, when a light in the distance moves closer. One of the coolest scenes ever in X-Files history has Mulder looking up at a triangular aircraft, letting you:

A) Shake your head at Mulder's naivete...fer crying out loud, if it's triangle-shaped it's not a flying saucer! Keep looking for the real UFO, Punk!...

B) Spot the guitar string wire holding the UFO up...guys, put a little more moola into the sfx budget, okay?

C) Weep at the fact that this would have been a perfect moment for Dana and Fox to hold hands! (wail)(gnash teeth)

18) Mulder gets caught by air base security. Scully tries to call D.C. for help, but the lines are dead. The reporter from Act II Scene 7 turns out to be an agent for the MIBs. Trouble's riding in that afternoon. No one's standing guard at the bank, and the Widow McAllister is all alone at the farm house while her boys are out stopping the rustlers. This means:

A) That Scully is going to prove herself a tough ole hombre walking tall...I can say `hombre', ya? What? No? Well, that's what happens when I sleep through Spanish lessons...

B) That I ought to stop watching that John Wayne movie on the AMC channel and focus on finishing this survey...

C) That there's not going to be much chance of a kiss scene until Dana can kick ass and save Fox!

19) Scully arrests the MIB and uses him to deal for Mulder's release. She retrieves a groggy Mulder from Ellens main gate and drives off before the bad guys can stop them. When Mulder hesitatingly asks, "How did I get here?" you realize:

A) That Mulder has been zombie-fied and only able to communicate by quoting lyrics from the Talking Heads! Oh, well, Scully might consider this an improvement... "Letting the days go by...Once In a Lifetime..."

B) Absolutely nothing. You had an answer, can't remember what it IS now...

C) That Dana can take advantage of this... "Okay, Fox, you might have forgotten this too, so let me remind you it's YOUR turn to cook breakfast!...and don't forget tonight's body oil massage...oh, you forgot that too? Good thing I'm reminding you...(wicked grin)"

20) Forced to return to D.C., Scully finishes her report stating little had been uncovered regarding Budahas's treatment or the possibility of the military working on extraterrestrial engineering. Mulder, jogging alone, is approached by Deep Throat who warns him again of the seriousness of the quest. Mulder, upset that something he had seen had been taken, wants to know the truth, but Deep Throat remains evasive on that point. "They're here, aren't they?" challenges Mulder. "They've been here for a long long time," is the answer, and you conclude with this thought:

A) "Gee, do you think this will teach the Punk not to ditch Scully so he can go off and do something stupid? Nah..."

B) "They're here? All this time? THAT explains where the socks went to!!!  GET OUT OF MY CLOSET, ALIENS, YOU'RE NOT PAYING THE RENT..."

C) "Gee, how long are we going to have to wait until Dana and Fox actually kiss? What do you mean, until Season Six? There better be some intense hand-holding scenes in the intervening seasons, let me tell you!..."

If you more often than not answered:

A) Then you believe Scully was right all along...that it wasn't a UFO in the photograph, it was a slice of sweet potato pie!

B) Then you believe Mulder was right all along...if you could remember what it was he was right about...what was the argument again?...(MIBs appear) (they pull out eyedropper and drip chemicals into the eyes) (starts humming Talking Heads tune) "Burning down the house!..."

C) Then you believe that Dana and Fox are right all along...right for each other, that is! Next time, share a hotel room, guys!!! (deep sigh)

Saturday, March 28, 2015

A Request to All X-Philes

Please drop off a link to an active X-Files fan site if you can!  I'd like to include more Links if they are out there.  You can link this site to your X-Files site if you wish.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

The X-Files: Pilot 'Shipper Survey


1) The episode begins with a warning that this "is inspired by actual documented accounts." You respond with:

A) A skeptical "There's no such things as UFOs!"

B) A wary "Those documents, of course, start off with the words 'Once upon a time'..."

C) A gleeful "Really? You mean there's documented proof of a spooky-yet-cute FBI guy working with an intellectually-drop-dead-gorgeous FBI gal?!?" (sigh)

2) After a young woman is found dead in the forests following the sighting of a bright light, the scene shifts to Washington D.C. A woman (Gillian Anderson) approaches the visitor's desk at the Hoover Building, headquarters of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and gives her name as Dana Scully. Agent Scully works her way through the office hallways until she reaches the office of Section Chief Blevins, where she is interviewed on her educational background. She is watched by a man who quietly stands in the corner, smoking a cigarette. She is asked about an agent named Fox Mulder, and if she knows him. Scully answers yes, "...By reputation." You want her to include:

A) "By the way, I thought we're not supposed to smoke inside buildings...(grabs cigarette from the Smoking Man) (grids it into his palm)...There, that's better..."

B) "Sir, if I'm getting a job out of this, can you make sure I get a desk?"

C) "Reputation has it this guy Fox wears a wicked set of Speedos when he goes swimming...(big goofy grin)"

3) Scully learns she is to be assigned to Agent Mulder's pet project, something called the X-Files, bureau cases involving the paranormal, the strange and unusual. As Scully openly wonders if she is to debunk Agent Mulder's work, you wonder:

A) If Gillian Anderson was ever asked by the producers to talk like Jodie Foster, you know, that fake hillbilly accent she used in "Silence of the Lambs"

B) If the bureau has such cases involving the strange and unusual...well, excluding anything they might have on J. Edgar's fashion statements...

C) If Agent Scully would wait until meeting Agent Mulder before debunking his Speedos, uh, his work...

4) Agent Scully makes it to the basement, where she knocks on the door of a cramped, cluttered office. "Nobody here but the FBI's Most Unwanted," shouts a voice, but she enters, passing by a poster of a UFO titled "I Want To Believe," and photos of God-Knows-What. We are thus introduced to Agent Fox Mulder (David Duchovny), who gives Scully the once-over and openly wonders who she ticked off to get this assignment. As Scully answers, "Actually, I'm looking forward to working with you..." you answer:

A) "Apparently, she ticked off that guy smoking cigarettes. She must have taken his parking space last week..."

B) "Hey, just because she's here to debunk your work doesn't mean you have to be rude to her. Wait until she complains about your choice of hair style, THEN bitch about her, okay?..."

C) "Ooh, she looks forward to working with him! And did you catch how he glanced her over? There's a word for this...hmm, chemistry? Kismet? Oh, yeah, I!"

5) Him: "I was under the impression you were sent to spy on me." Her: "If you have any doubts..." He notes her thesis work on temporal physics, adding he liked it. The audience already knows Scully has heard of Mulder and his abilities. He presents a slide show on victims with odd markings. She makes a medical evaluation. He points out a odd chemical in the bodies. She recognizes it as organic. He switches the topic to extraterrestrials and whether she believes in them. She says no. As they continue this game of give and take, you realize:

A) That she's going to prove this jerk wrong, somehow, and you have to be there to see it happen!

B) That's he going to prove himself right, somehow, and you have to be there to see it happen!

C) That this is the start of a Beau-ti-ful friendship, and you have to be there when the wedding happens! (deep sigh)

6) Oh, BTW, there's a bunch of victims in Oregon, so Mulder and Scully (or should that be Scully and Mulder?) head off to find out what's what. You note:

A) That if Mulder keeps stopping the car to vandalize every other bend in the road, Scully at least should make sure the artwork is more aesthetically pleasing than a plain old "X"

B) That the producers are using the setting as Oregon only because Vancouver can pass for any location in the Pacific Northwest...when are they going to film desert scenes, dammit?

C) That Scully's going to have to find smaller luggage bags if she's going to do field assignments (do you think a guy like Mulder actually brings a change of clothes???)

7) We've got coffins rolling downhill, inhuman bodies stinking up the place, and a sizeable amount of bickering over an autopsy table by our intrepid heroes. You take it all in and:

A) Wonder why Mulder has to take all those photos of the body when one or two would's not like it's posing for Playboy, you Punk!...

B) Consider whether or not a primate or chimpanzee would have a tattoo reading "Gonzaga U. Rules!" on its chest

C) Notice that all this bickering is actually some bizarre mating ritual

8) Scully is revising her notes, going over her medical findings, glancing long and hard at a metallic instrument shoved up a victim's nose. Mulder knocks on her door, offering her a chance to join him in a midnight jog. As she declines and hints that she's hitting the sack, you realize:

A) That Gillian's past history as a British punk grrl would let her recognize that object as a nose-piercing memento gone horribly awry

B) That Mulder's midnight jogs are an excuse for him to look for UFOs...which are probably the planet Venus or something, really...

C) That Fox's (can we call you Fox?) offering of a midnight jog...all that panting and sweating...and Dana (can we call you Dana?), yawning and pointing out she's going to bed...oh, MAN, all this sexual tension!''s so UNRESOLVED...

9) Scully and Mulder (or should that be Mulder and Scully?) check out the mental case history of one of the victims, finding out there's a few of the kid's friends still being treated. They meet the two, especially the comatose boy Billy and a girl in a wheelchair with the same markings on her back...just like the other victims. Noting that something happened to those kids, and that all the deaths occur in the woods, they decide to investigate the crime scene. You know they're in the woods:

A) So that Scully can be confronted by those bright lights in the forest...and prove they're just extremely powerful headlights

B) So that they can find the entrance to the White Lodge and rescue the real Agent Cooper...BTW, did you notice how many of the early X-Files fans were all survivors from the Twin Peaks craze a few years earlier?...

C) So that they can look up and the night sky, talk about the stars, their lives, things of little importance to others, but to those sitting together sharing a part of know how it is...(sheepish grin)

10) Our heroes are driven off from the crime scene by a belligerent sheriff. As they drive back through the rain, Mulder starts acting odd, waiting for... Then a bright light occurs... The image freezes... Then normalcy. Time resumes its way. Mulder gleefully notes they lost nine minutes and dances over the orange X he marked earlier. As Scully argues that time is a constant and Mulder answers "Not in this zip code," you ponder:

A) If Scully can find something in the nearby stream she can slap this Punk with...

B) If this zip code is 90210, because there's a bunch of guys there who keep acting like they're teenagers even though they're in their 30s by now...

C) If Dana wouldn't mind joining Fox for a quick dance routine in the rain right now...hit it, boys! (starts playing big band music) Swing, baby, swing!

11) Scully is writing a report debunking Mulder's work to date. The power goes off, so she decides to take a shower. As she gets ready to jump in, she spots something odd on her back. The next thing we see is Mulder answering his door to find Scully in her bathroom nervously asking, "I want you to look at something." As she stumbles into his hotel room, you:

A) Yell, "If you're that worried that something is wrong with you, go to a hospital and let the experts fix it, dammit!"

B) Query, "Does this mean the show's getting a MA rating for adult content? Oh, wait, they hadn't invented a rating system for TV yet..."

C) Exclaim, "Damn, they're resolving this sexual tension awful damn quick, aren't they?"

12) She flashes her underwear at him, asking him to check out the small of her back. He moves in close, slowly, and you know he's thinking:

A) see B)

B) see C)

C) "Oh, wow, it's candlelight, it's raining outside, my cute partner's in her undies, she's showing me some skin...oh, wow, so those letters in Penthouse can't be COMPLETELY fake!..."

13) After comforting Scully, assuring her those marks were just mosquito bites, Mulder and Scully decide to talk. As she lies on the bed, he leans in close to tell of the night his sister disappeared, of the pain it caused his family, of his quest to prove she was abducted by aliens, of how he found the X-Files and how he's being confronted at every turn. When Scully asks who is opposing him, he notes, "You're a part of that agenda, you know that." "I'm not a part of any agenda," she replies. "You have to trust me." When that happens, you know:

A) That Scully is for real, and that she'll break this conspiracy and save the world!

B) That Mulder's obsession of finding his sister will drive this show, until such time that humanity builds a warp engine and allow him to trek the stars...nah, who'd want to watch a show like that???

C) That now they've broken down barriers, that now she's used the 'T' word, that considering the mood and location, that this would be the perfect time for them to perform wild, passionate, um, are there kids present?...there are?! Oh, um, wild passionate hand-holding, ya, that's it!... (damn this sexual tension! It's so... UNRESOLVED)

14) Mulder and Scully get distracted by another death. They race back to their hotel to find it in flames. They meet a girl who knows what's happening in the woods. They head out to the graveyard to try and dig up another body for evidence. They race back to the hospital to find Billy, who's supposed to be comatose, with traces of ash on his feet from walking in the crime scene. They race back to the forest. Scully gets knocked unconscious. Mulder sees a bright light and a zombie-like Billy abducting the last surviving girl. As Billy comes to and as Scully misses everything, you notice:

A) That if the recurring theme of Scully not seeing anything paranormal means she's going to get knocked unconscious every episode, she's going to need a huge bottle of aspirin!

B) That the writer has crammed in a lot into one question, only so he can reach a good round number of 15 for his survey!...

C) That poor Fox and Dana (or should that be Dana and Fox) didn't have any time to have wild passionate, um, hand-holding...

15) Mulder and Scully drag poor Billy back to D.C. for questioning. He babbles on about voices, experiments, mind control, and the fear that "they" will be coming back. Mulder looks at Scully even though she's behind the one-way mirror, but you KNOW they're making eye contact. Scully reports to Blevins, producing a vial containing the last piece of evidence: the metal implant. Later that night, Mulder calls her: their evidence and findings have been stolen. They need to talk. "Tomorrow," sighs Scully, and as she falls back into bed, you conclude:

A) That Scully shouldn't have given Mulder her phone number if he's going to keep calling at such late hours

B) That Mulder should have a better way of keeping his stuff under lock and key...if he keeps stashing it with those Playboys he has under his bed, his mom's going to keep finding that stuff and throwing it out!...

C) That Dana should have invited Fox over to see what they can come up with to cure a sleepless night...(wicked eyebrow raising)

BONUS: Okay, so I couldn't fit it all into 15 questions! The scene shifts to a large warehouse as the man who smoked cigarettes quietly walks the halls. He finds a file box containing a set of metal implants, where he stores the implant Scully recovered in Oregon. As the Cigarette-Smoking Man walks out of the vast room which seems to lay beneath the heart of the Pentagon, you realize:

A) If there's a box in there labeled "Tanis Artifact, RE: Dr. Jones, 1938" better leave it be!

B) That the occult significance of the DOD building being in the shape of the pentagram adds to the unsettling prospect of whatever's kept in the basement!

C) That the Smoking Man has hidden a lot of things here... like that stolen wedding ring Fox had purchased for Dana when they got back to D.C. Give it back, you bastid!...

If you more often than not answered:

A) Then you feel that the protagonist of this episode was Agent Scully, honest, fearless, somehow spiritually uplifting, who brings a skeptical yet truthful perspective to this hunt for UFOs

B) Then you feel that the protagonist of this episode was Agent Mulder, honest, obsessed, somehow quirky, whose quest for the Truth drives this show and begs you to join his cause

C) Then you feel that Dana Scully and Fox Mulder, cute, witty, somehow bonded on a level you can't quite explain, make for a really cute couple, and you're damn sure sooner or later these two are going to DO IT! (romantic 'Shipper sigh)


  • This was NOT the first 'Shipper Survey done: I hadn't begun writing these until Season Five.
  • You will notice answers A) involve Scully being a badass, Mulder being a punk, and/or Scully hitting Mulder or other idiots with a fresh trout.  The trout gag was stolen from the OBSSE Scully fanbase.  Answers B) tend to be snarky retorts in general about the show or about scifi/horror tropes.  Answers C) tend to be about the 'Shipping.  If there's an Answer D) it's because there's REALLY something epic happening in the scene, or it involves Skinner or Krycek.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

A Quick Refresher About The X-Files

  • The show began back in 1993 on FOX (not the Not-News channel but the one with The Simpsons on it).
  • The premise was a small office in the FBI investigating strange and unusual cases that would fall under its jurisdiction - murders, kidnappings, cases requiring forensics - but involved the unearthly: aliens and monsters.
  • The show relied on two main characters.  The lead investigator was Fox "Spooky" Mulder, the Believer who eagerly accepted many of the bizarre and unlikely theories each X-File case examined and who had uncovered the office stashed away and ignored by the Bureau as an embarrassment.  The newcomer investigator was Dana Scully, a medical examiner and a Skeptic who dismissed anything that couldn't be rationally explained.
  • The show balanced between following a story Arc - Mulder's quest through the X-Files to find his abducted sister who may have been taken by aliens (or by a government conspiracy) - and a Monster of the Week stand-alone (based on the show's spiritual predecessor Kolchak the Night Stalker).
  • The show came at a time when the cultural touchstones in America were changing.  Generation X - which grew up in the shadows of JFK and Watergate and waves of political and financial scandals - bought into the jaded message that people in power were covering up everything, but also bought into the optimism that there were heroes even within those halls of power trying to bring us The Truth (which was, as the tagline said, Out There).
  • The X-Files also benefited from having two likable actors as the leads: David Duchovny as Mulder and Gillian Anderson as Scully.
  • The X-Files also also benefited from having Mulder and Scully form a trust-based working relationship that bordered on Relationship (aka romance).  It's generally argued (there are a few who claim it came elsewhere) that the show is the origin of the word Relationshipper itself, which became known as 'Shipping.
  • This can't be overstated.  There had been other shows that gained fanbases around 'Shipping - Moonlighting was the prime example before the X-Files, and Star Trek itself had a version (but called Slash, which remained a low-key part of that series' cult fandom) - but with this show it became part of the show's broad appeal.  Fans tuned in to watch the Unresolved Sexual Tension - another phrase this show originated - between Mulder and Scully that played off archetypal narrative tropes usually seen in medieval Courtly Love stories.
  • 'Shipping characters to each other is older than television.  As references, try reading up on the fan reactions to Little Women or Ivanhoe when those novels first came out.
  • Into this milieu, I arrived.  A fan of the show since the first season - I honestly didn't know about it, but had turned on the TV during the second episode involving top secret Air Force UFOs and got hooked because I remain a UFO enthusiast - I picked up on the relationship vibe and regularly joked, referenced, and examined the signs on the Usenet forum
  • In Season Five, I decided to start recapping episodes with some snark, and after a particular comment was made I went for a quiz-based multiple choice Survey method.  I labeled it Senseless 'Shipper Surveys.
  • I posted them first on the Usenet, and then later added them to a bought website domain.  I tended to get good responses and snarky replies.
  • I kept up with it until well into Season Eight.  When Season Nine had Mulder go into hiding and Scully semi-retired to teach at Quantico, the show brought in replacement characters in Doggett and Reyes.  No knock on their actors - Robert Patrick and Annabeth Gish - but without the original characters Mulder and Scully and their emotional bonding, the show lost pretty much everybody.  By that point, the alien Arc storyline had become tiresome (and it turned out the show's producer Chris Carter never had a real solution, which pissed off the base) and they pretty much called it quits.
  • The paranoia of the Nineties, meanwhile, gave way to the brutal realities of the new Millennium with the War on Terror, during which such skepticism wasn't palatable on the open market.
  • Interest in keeping up with the X-Files via movies died out, especially when the second movie had nothing to do with the alien Arc and was simply an overrated Monster of the Week plot.
  • However, a comic book series has been ongoing since 2008 by various publishers - currently Wildstorm and/or IDW - with moderate success.
  • Netflix rentals of the episodes has also been generating good numbers.
  • In a lot of ways, the X-Files remains a cultural milestone of the Nineties decade, much as Miami Vice was for the Eighties.
  • Interest in rebooting the series - or having Mulder and Scully return - had picked up in the past year, especially as Hollywood is more and more obsessed with going back and reviving shows that had success and a fanbase.  It helped that the lead actors - Duchovny and Anderson - have remained bankable names.
  • Given the various methods shows are being produced today - straight-to-download streaming, Internet sharing, what have you - and the lessening of the strict episode counts - shows can be produced with less than 22 episodes and now turn a profit - it was well within FOX's ability to order a six-episode series to fit the main leads' existing workload.
  • That means more episodes to write 'Shipper Surveys.
  • That means I needed to bring my Survey archive back from the dead.
  • Say hello to this blog.
  • Tomorrow I will post the pilot episode.

Time to break out this poster, boys and girls.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

So The X-Files Return to Television

...and with that, I am thinking to look back and re-post ye olde 'Shipper Surveys I posted long ago in the ancient days of 1990s Internet.
Can you handle GIFs once more, true 'Shippers?

To those of you who remember visiting, hello again.  To any friends and allies from the OBSSE, hello again.

I shall locate the classic Surveys detailing the wacky hijinks of Moose and Squirrel as soon as possible.

Stay tuned.