Well, damn, I had to work last night and didn't get home until 8:32 PM so I know I missed the first half of the episode.
On the bright side, next week's episode is written by DARIN MORGAN.
If you're not sure why that's a big deal, ask around. There were certain writers for the show that were better liked than others, and Darin tops the list (Vince Gilligan was the other. Yeah, HIM you heard of).
Shaenon knows why. Go check out her recap of Clyde Bruckman.
Alright kids, I'll get you a 'shipper survey of the season premiere by the end of the week.
Edit: AND NOW ABE VIGODA IS DEAD!
Showing posts with label shaenon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shaenon. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Saturday, August 22, 2015
X-Files: Tooms 'Shipper Survey
I promised awhile back that I would write up a survey for "Tooms" as it was one of the key 'Shipper episodes even for a Monster of the Week story.
And what a Monster of the Week. This is the first re-visit of an enemy in Victor Eugene Tooms, a most memorable X-File antagonist that set the standard for what to expect from an MOTW. So. Let's begin.
Senseless 'Shipper Survey - TOOMS Oh SSSSSSSHHHHHIIIIIIIII...
1) The episode begins with Mulder taking Scully out to a dinner and a movie. You:
A) See B)
B) See C)
C) Slap the 'Shipper Survey writer. Stop inserting your own damn fanfic and stick to the plot!
2) We are re-introduced to Tooms, an... unusual human being capable of stretching his entire body like taffy in order to sneak through openings no normal human could consider. Such as that food tray door of his prison cell RIGHT AS WE'RE WATCHING OMG. You:
A) Panic and lock the doors.
B) Panic and superglue all the air vents shuts.
C) Relax because Tooms is in a secure psychiatric facility in Baltimore MD and they never have any successful escapes. Just ask Dr. Lecter over in Cell Block B... uh, doctor? Doc? Where did he AAAAAAAUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHH (gets liver eaten with fava beans and a nice Chianti).
3) After credits, we find Agent Scully called to the carpet of an Assistant Director - no more Section Chief hand-holding for you, Dana, you're moving up in the world! - by the name of Skinner. You:
A) Worry that Scully's getting re-assigned to Donal Logue's task force hunting down future outdoor locations for Fox's planned There's-No-Batman-In-This series that should be starting its second season any day now!
B) Don't wanna spoil anything for the new fans binge-watching the series, but just wait for the season where Walter shows off his abs and undies...
C) Worry about those damn Walter-Dana 'Shippers still out there! NOOOOOOooooooo...
4) After the setup foreshadowing the remainder of Season One's arc, Mulder is busy testifying at the preliminary hearings for Tooms' case. Asked to present what he knows about Tooms' possible criminal misdeeds from the episode "Squeeze", Mulder just... uh... well, let's look at this:
A) Dammit, Mulder, did you HAVE to say that...?
B) Yup. That's pretty much how the set extras behaved during the episode broadcast...
C) Dammit, Fox, didn't you see Dana's dropping hints for you to TONE THE SPOOKY STUFF DOWN A NOTCH... sigh...
5) Scully chews Mulder out for overdoing his testimony. Mulder argues that he spoke to the truth. You:
A) Suggest Scully bring a fresh trout to the courtroom and slap the Punk with it next time he speaks out of turn. NO JURY WOULD CONVICT YOU SCULLY.
B) Suggest that more biological evidence and physical testing should have been presented in the courtroom. Why the hell was it all pinned to what Mulder had to say...?
C) Suggest Dana and Fox cool down at the nearest hotel that has beds with Magic Fingers thingee.
6) Scully decides to go hunt for more clues. While she goes and rounds up the retired cop Frank Briggs that helped out in the earlier episode, you want her to also round up:
A) An elite task force of expendable warriors! Dana's Dirty Dozen!
B) Those four teens riding around in a funky painted panel van and pot-ingesting Great Dane that keeps saying (blocked from quoting due to copyright violations).
C) A caterer, a banquet hall, a priest, witnesses, family members, Best Man, Maid of Honor, some kids to toss flowers, and just to keep Fox happy an Elvis Impersonator. ...what?
7) Tooms somehow gets his job back with Animal Control, cleaning up poor critters left as road-kill. As he spends a moment enjoying a mid-work coffee break (and light snack) you:
A) EEEEEWWWWWWW
B) NO NOT FLUFFY!
C) Make damn sure Tooms is not the caterer for the Dana-Fox wedding.
8) Tooms begins to focus on a fresh target walking down the street. His POV shows the world turning grey while his potential victim remains in perfect highlighted color. Suddenly, Mulder pops up to harass Tooms by asking after a missing dog: "His name is Heinrick. He's a Norwegian Elkhound." Tooms scurries away in frustration. Mulder can't help but rub in: "I use him to hunt moose!" You shout back:
A) "Stop describing yourself, Moose!" (note: fan nicknames of the power duo are Moose and Squirrel, you get two guesses who is whom and any sarcastic answer gets you a fresh trout slap)
B) "A moose once bit my sister!" (note: true story. I *did* shout that when I watched this episode during broadcast)
C) "Dammit, Fox, you know perfectly well Dana doesn't support moose genocide!" (note: the moose are the only defense we have against Wendigo incursions)
9) After a busy day of digging up evidence, Scully re-teams with Mulder as he stakes out Tooms' halfway home. Scully brought food and drinks for the stakeout, and also a warning: That Skinner islooking to make himself a recurring character looking to shut down the X-Files. You warn:
A) Scully that it's either this or being on rarely-watched episodes of Hannibal!
B) Mulder that it's either this or tacky episodes of Californication.
C) the NoRomos they better not ruin the next three minutes for the rest of us!
10) Scully tries to call her partner by his first name "Fox".
Mulder: "I made my parents call me 'Mulder'."
You respond:
A) "So how quickly did you get disinherited, you ungrateful bastard?"
B) "Damn. Even after what happened to your sister, that had to make Thanksgiving dinners a bit awkward, you think?"
C) "But what's it gonna look like on the Marriage Certificate, Fox?!"
11) Scully: "Mulder, I wouldn't put myself on the line for anybody but you."
(Incredibly poignant shared glance between the two)
Mulder: "If there's an iced tea in that bag, it could be love."
Scully (digging through the dinner): "Must be fate, Mulder. Root beer."
You:
A) See B)
B) See C)
C) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
12) Mulder gets sent home without his iced tea. Unfortunately, Tooms follows him (ohcrap) and is able to sneak into Mulder's apartment (ohsssssssshhhhhiiiiiii...). When it turns out Tooms is doing it to frame Mulder with a false brutality charge, you:
A) Sigh in relief that Scully doesn't have to retrain a new Agent partner, but on the other hand she STILL doesn't have a desk! /preteractive fuming
B) Worry that Tooms could have swiped Mulder's infamous porn stash while he was there. October 1988 *was* a good month, dammit.
C) Were using a girly scream. This is Fox we're talking about, there's always a girly scream when he's involved.
13) Skinner is none too thrilled about the brutality charge, although Scully covers for Mulder by claiming she was with him on a stake-out. Given the circumstances, Mulder has been warned to stay away from Tooms. This means Tooms is free to get his fifth liver first chance he gets. And when his court-appointed psychiatrist shows up and Tooms' POV goes grey, you realize:
A) Tooms is going after the wrong psychiatrist. After all, it's LECTER who keeps eating all his livers.
B) What a tweest! ...no, actually, it's not. And this is 1994, we can't be joking about M. Night's stuff for another five years.
C) Dana's cover story would have been more believable if it had involved a hotel room where the bed used Magic Fingers.
14) The forensics stuff that's been happening in the background of the case, oddly enough, brings up proof that Tooms ate a body that had been buried in concrete since 1933 - don't forget, Tooms is effectively immortal by eating five livers and hibernating for thirty years - and now with physical proof in hand Mulder and Scully go racing off with a warrant to arrest Tooms. Only to find the remains of a dinner involving fava beans and an empty bottle of Chianti. You:
A) Are done with the Silence of the Lambs references. Okay, there. Got it out of our system, okay?
B) Realize that if they time it right, they can catch Tooms napping in a post-dinner food coma and hold him in his cell while he sleeps it off for thirty years.
C) Think this is an appropriate time for Dana and Fox to exchange a meaningful hand-hold. Then again, EVERY time is an appropriate time for Dana and Fox to exchange a meaningful hand-hold (see that, Korrasami 'Shippers! We were pining for hand-holds before most of you were even born!)
15) Mulder deduces that Tooms has to hibernate in the same area every time as part of his biology, so they hurry back to the place they knew his underground nest was. Only the building had been torn down and replaced by a brand new office building complete with fancy escalators and everything. You:
A) Gripe about the most unbelievable aspect of this whole episode: there is NO WAY a construction crew in a major city would get a new office skyscraper up THAT quickly! Not in six months! Are you kidding? With all the cost overruns, and workers' strikes, and mafia kickbacks, and local ordinances getting rewritten every other city meeting, and...
B) Wonder why Baltimore architecture looks so much like Vancouver's...
C) Are upset they didn't put up a fancy 5-star hotel with penthouse suites that Dana and Fox can crash for the night. (weeps)
16) Going down means going under the escalators (FORESHADOWING) to get into where Tooms' nest once was. Mulder goes in, gun drawn, crawling from a cramped mechanical service tunnel into a rocky, muddy pit covered in goo. He reaches this odd, human-sized cocoon at the end of the tunnel. As he checks the surface, seeing if there was any way to... TOOMS CLAWS OUT OF THE COCOON AND ATTACKS MULDER! You:
A) Shout "YOU DROPPED YOUR GUN AGAIN MULDER!" Oh, wait, this might actually be the first time he does this. My bad.
B) Shout "TOOMS USES SLIME SURPRISE! IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!" Whadda ya mean, Pokemon didn't exist back then...?
C) Shout "AAAA! FOX NEEDS A HUG!" ...Well, he does...
17) Aren't you stretching out this chase scene through the slime tunnel a little too much?
A) Yes.
B) I saw what you did there.
C) You should be stretching out scenes involving Dana and Fox talking about iced tea, root beer and trust dammit.
18) Mulder gets out from underneath the escalator and Scully hits the Power ON button. Tooms gets caught in the gears and moving panels, screams as he stretches beyond even HIS limits, and his body gets yanked into the maw of an unyielding death machine. As the goo spills UPWARD by the treads of modern innovation, you think to yourself:
A) Metaphor, the man consumed by the ever-advancing march of technology. A force of nature - an eating machine that consumes other men is itself consumed by the creations of men. That the machine transforms itself by motion, by transference of others, this too transfers its victim from... from... why the hell am I writing a dissertation on this?!
B) BEST. KARMIC DEATH. EVER.
C) Whew! Now we can get a shot of Dana and Fox getting into "Glad To Be Alive Sex!" ...whadda ya mean, what show? What's this How I Met Your Mother show all about? Why are you referencing Doogie Howser, and who's this Willow...?
19) Skinner is reading the final report on Tooms - the evidence, the victims, the final fate - and closes the file with a grimace. The Smoking Man walks into camera shot, looking wistfully out Skinner's window. Skinner turns and asks, "Do you believe all this?" The Smoking Man turns and answers, speaking for the first time. "Of course I do." You realize:
A) The Smoking Man is truly dangerous: he knows Mulder speaks the truth, and he knows Scully speaks the facts. That he recognizes their potential means he can be their greatest opponent...
B) William B. Davis got a pay raise for getting speaking lines! WOOT! Good for you!
C) That report really wasn't about Tooms: it's the Smoking Man's twelve-part fanfic story about Fox and Dana that he wanted Walter to beta-read!
20) The episode ends with Mulder contemplating a moth's cocoon while Scully tries to get him to focus on the next case. You end it with:
A) A challenge to the show's creators to give Scully more opportunities to kill monsters with heavy machinery!
B) A promise to the readers of this blog that you'll get more 'Shipper Surveys done! (looks at personal schedule of getting five separate works of literary fiction completed before November's NaNoWriMo's demanding time constraints). Ummmmmm...
C) A call for more iced tea! NO MORE ROOT BEER! DAMN YOU NOROMOS.
If you more often than not answered:
A) You are a Scully fanatic with an unlimited supply of fresh trout for slapping non-believers.
B) You are a Monster of the Week taking notes about how NOT to get killed by Mulder and Scully. Step One: Avoid escalators...
C) You are a Senseless 'Shipper who fell in love with the idea of falling in love during the iced tea/root beer scene. And someone who's stopped drinking root beer for some reason.
What do you think, sirs?
And what a Monster of the Week. This is the first re-visit of an enemy in Victor Eugene Tooms, a most memorable X-File antagonist that set the standard for what to expect from an MOTW. So. Let's begin.
Senseless 'Shipper Survey - TOOMS Oh SSSSSSSHHHHHIIIIIIIII...
1) The episode begins with Mulder taking Scully out to a dinner and a movie. You:
A) See B)
B) See C)
C) Slap the 'Shipper Survey writer. Stop inserting your own damn fanfic and stick to the plot!
2) We are re-introduced to Tooms, an... unusual human being capable of stretching his entire body like taffy in order to sneak through openings no normal human could consider. Such as that food tray door of his prison cell RIGHT AS WE'RE WATCHING OMG. You:
A) Panic and lock the doors.
B) Panic and superglue all the air vents shuts.
C) Relax because Tooms is in a secure psychiatric facility in Baltimore MD and they never have any successful escapes. Just ask Dr. Lecter over in Cell Block B... uh, doctor? Doc? Where did he AAAAAAAUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHH (gets liver eaten with fava beans and a nice Chianti).
3) After credits, we find Agent Scully called to the carpet of an Assistant Director - no more Section Chief hand-holding for you, Dana, you're moving up in the world! - by the name of Skinner. You:
A) Worry that Scully's getting re-assigned to Donal Logue's task force hunting down future outdoor locations for Fox's planned There's-No-Batman-In-This series that should be starting its second season any day now!
B) Don't wanna spoil anything for the new fans binge-watching the series, but just wait for the season where Walter shows off his abs and undies...
C) Worry about those damn Walter-Dana 'Shippers still out there! NOOOOOOooooooo...
4) After the setup foreshadowing the remainder of Season One's arc, Mulder is busy testifying at the preliminary hearings for Tooms' case. Asked to present what he knows about Tooms' possible criminal misdeeds from the episode "Squeeze", Mulder just... uh... well, let's look at this:
 |
| From Shaenon's epic Monster of the Week site. |
B) Yup. That's pretty much how the set extras behaved during the episode broadcast...
C) Dammit, Fox, didn't you see Dana's dropping hints for you to TONE THE SPOOKY STUFF DOWN A NOTCH... sigh...
5) Scully chews Mulder out for overdoing his testimony. Mulder argues that he spoke to the truth. You:
A) Suggest Scully bring a fresh trout to the courtroom and slap the Punk with it next time he speaks out of turn. NO JURY WOULD CONVICT YOU SCULLY.
B) Suggest that more biological evidence and physical testing should have been presented in the courtroom. Why the hell was it all pinned to what Mulder had to say...?
C) Suggest Dana and Fox cool down at the nearest hotel that has beds with Magic Fingers thingee.
6) Scully decides to go hunt for more clues. While she goes and rounds up the retired cop Frank Briggs that helped out in the earlier episode, you want her to also round up:
A) An elite task force of expendable warriors! Dana's Dirty Dozen!
B) Those four teens riding around in a funky painted panel van and pot-ingesting Great Dane that keeps saying (blocked from quoting due to copyright violations).
C) A caterer, a banquet hall, a priest, witnesses, family members, Best Man, Maid of Honor, some kids to toss flowers, and just to keep Fox happy an Elvis Impersonator. ...what?
7) Tooms somehow gets his job back with Animal Control, cleaning up poor critters left as road-kill. As he spends a moment enjoying a mid-work coffee break (and light snack) you:
A) EEEEEWWWWWWW
B) NO NOT FLUFFY!
C) Make damn sure Tooms is not the caterer for the Dana-Fox wedding.
8) Tooms begins to focus on a fresh target walking down the street. His POV shows the world turning grey while his potential victim remains in perfect highlighted color. Suddenly, Mulder pops up to harass Tooms by asking after a missing dog: "His name is Heinrick. He's a Norwegian Elkhound." Tooms scurries away in frustration. Mulder can't help but rub in: "I use him to hunt moose!" You shout back:
A) "Stop describing yourself, Moose!" (note: fan nicknames of the power duo are Moose and Squirrel, you get two guesses who is whom and any sarcastic answer gets you a fresh trout slap)
B) "A moose once bit my sister!" (note: true story. I *did* shout that when I watched this episode during broadcast)
C) "Dammit, Fox, you know perfectly well Dana doesn't support moose genocide!" (note: the moose are the only defense we have against Wendigo incursions)
9) After a busy day of digging up evidence, Scully re-teams with Mulder as he stakes out Tooms' halfway home. Scully brought food and drinks for the stakeout, and also a warning: That Skinner is
A) Scully that it's either this or being on rarely-watched episodes of Hannibal!
B) Mulder that it's either this or tacky episodes of Californication.
C) the NoRomos they better not ruin the next three minutes for the rest of us!
10) Scully tries to call her partner by his first name "Fox".
Mulder: "I made my parents call me 'Mulder'."
You respond:
A) "So how quickly did you get disinherited, you ungrateful bastard?"
B) "Damn. Even after what happened to your sister, that had to make Thanksgiving dinners a bit awkward, you think?"
C) "But what's it gonna look like on the Marriage Certificate, Fox?!"
11) Scully: "Mulder, I wouldn't put myself on the line for anybody but you."
(Incredibly poignant shared glance between the two)
Mulder: "If there's an iced tea in that bag, it could be love."
Scully (digging through the dinner): "Must be fate, Mulder. Root beer."
You:
A) See B)
B) See C)
C) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
 |
| All you Korrasami fans got off easy. ...wait, lemme rephrase that... |
12) Mulder gets sent home without his iced tea. Unfortunately, Tooms follows him (ohcrap) and is able to sneak into Mulder's apartment (ohsssssssshhhhhiiiiiii...). When it turns out Tooms is doing it to frame Mulder with a false brutality charge, you:
A) Sigh in relief that Scully doesn't have to retrain a new Agent partner, but on the other hand she STILL doesn't have a desk! /preteractive fuming
B) Worry that Tooms could have swiped Mulder's infamous porn stash while he was there. October 1988 *was* a good month, dammit.
C) Were using a girly scream. This is Fox we're talking about, there's always a girly scream when he's involved.
13) Skinner is none too thrilled about the brutality charge, although Scully covers for Mulder by claiming she was with him on a stake-out. Given the circumstances, Mulder has been warned to stay away from Tooms. This means Tooms is free to get his fifth liver first chance he gets. And when his court-appointed psychiatrist shows up and Tooms' POV goes grey, you realize:
A) Tooms is going after the wrong psychiatrist. After all, it's LECTER who keeps eating all his livers.
B) What a tweest! ...no, actually, it's not. And this is 1994, we can't be joking about M. Night's stuff for another five years.
C) Dana's cover story would have been more believable if it had involved a hotel room where the bed used Magic Fingers.
14) The forensics stuff that's been happening in the background of the case, oddly enough, brings up proof that Tooms ate a body that had been buried in concrete since 1933 - don't forget, Tooms is effectively immortal by eating five livers and hibernating for thirty years - and now with physical proof in hand Mulder and Scully go racing off with a warrant to arrest Tooms. Only to find the remains of a dinner involving fava beans and an empty bottle of Chianti. You:
A) Are done with the Silence of the Lambs references. Okay, there. Got it out of our system, okay?
B) Realize that if they time it right, they can catch Tooms napping in a post-dinner food coma and hold him in his cell while he sleeps it off for thirty years.
C) Think this is an appropriate time for Dana and Fox to exchange a meaningful hand-hold. Then again, EVERY time is an appropriate time for Dana and Fox to exchange a meaningful hand-hold (see that, Korrasami 'Shippers! We were pining for hand-holds before most of you were even born!)
15) Mulder deduces that Tooms has to hibernate in the same area every time as part of his biology, so they hurry back to the place they knew his underground nest was. Only the building had been torn down and replaced by a brand new office building complete with fancy escalators and everything. You:
A) Gripe about the most unbelievable aspect of this whole episode: there is NO WAY a construction crew in a major city would get a new office skyscraper up THAT quickly! Not in six months! Are you kidding? With all the cost overruns, and workers' strikes, and mafia kickbacks, and local ordinances getting rewritten every other city meeting, and...
B) Wonder why Baltimore architecture looks so much like Vancouver's...
C) Are upset they didn't put up a fancy 5-star hotel with penthouse suites that Dana and Fox can crash for the night. (weeps)
16) Going down means going under the escalators (FORESHADOWING) to get into where Tooms' nest once was. Mulder goes in, gun drawn, crawling from a cramped mechanical service tunnel into a rocky, muddy pit covered in goo. He reaches this odd, human-sized cocoon at the end of the tunnel. As he checks the surface, seeing if there was any way to... TOOMS CLAWS OUT OF THE COCOON AND ATTACKS MULDER! You:
A) Shout "YOU DROPPED YOUR GUN AGAIN MULDER!" Oh, wait, this might actually be the first time he does this. My bad.
B) Shout "TOOMS USES SLIME SURPRISE! IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!" Whadda ya mean, Pokemon didn't exist back then...?
C) Shout "AAAA! FOX NEEDS A HUG!" ...Well, he does...
17) Aren't you stretching out this chase scene through the slime tunnel a little too much?
A) Yes.
B) I saw what you did there.
C) You should be stretching out scenes involving Dana and Fox talking about iced tea, root beer and trust dammit.
18) Mulder gets out from underneath the escalator and Scully hits the Power ON button. Tooms gets caught in the gears and moving panels, screams as he stretches beyond even HIS limits, and his body gets yanked into the maw of an unyielding death machine. As the goo spills UPWARD by the treads of modern innovation, you think to yourself:
A) Metaphor, the man consumed by the ever-advancing march of technology. A force of nature - an eating machine that consumes other men is itself consumed by the creations of men. That the machine transforms itself by motion, by transference of others, this too transfers its victim from... from... why the hell am I writing a dissertation on this?!
B) BEST. KARMIC DEATH. EVER.
C) Whew! Now we can get a shot of Dana and Fox getting into "Glad To Be Alive Sex!" ...whadda ya mean, what show? What's this How I Met Your Mother show all about? Why are you referencing Doogie Howser, and who's this Willow...?
19) Skinner is reading the final report on Tooms - the evidence, the victims, the final fate - and closes the file with a grimace. The Smoking Man walks into camera shot, looking wistfully out Skinner's window. Skinner turns and asks, "Do you believe all this?" The Smoking Man turns and answers, speaking for the first time. "Of course I do." You realize:
A) The Smoking Man is truly dangerous: he knows Mulder speaks the truth, and he knows Scully speaks the facts. That he recognizes their potential means he can be their greatest opponent...
B) William B. Davis got a pay raise for getting speaking lines! WOOT! Good for you!
C) That report really wasn't about Tooms: it's the Smoking Man's twelve-part fanfic story about Fox and Dana that he wanted Walter to beta-read!
20) The episode ends with Mulder contemplating a moth's cocoon while Scully tries to get him to focus on the next case. You end it with:
A) A challenge to the show's creators to give Scully more opportunities to kill monsters with heavy machinery!
B) A promise to the readers of this blog that you'll get more 'Shipper Surveys done! (looks at personal schedule of getting five separate works of literary fiction completed before November's NaNoWriMo's demanding time constraints). Ummmmmm...
C) A call for more iced tea! NO MORE ROOT BEER! DAMN YOU NOROMOS.
If you more often than not answered:
A) You are a Scully fanatic with an unlimited supply of fresh trout for slapping non-believers.
B) You are a Monster of the Week taking notes about how NOT to get killed by Mulder and Scully. Step One: Avoid escalators...
C) You are a Senseless 'Shipper who fell in love with the idea of falling in love during the iced tea/root beer scene. And someone who's stopped drinking root beer for some reason.
What do you think, sirs?
Sunday, June 21, 2015
The X-Files: Ice 'Shipper Survey
Holy crepole, Batman! I FINALLY GOT AROUND TO WRITING A BRAND NEW 'SHIPPER SURVEY!
Well, relatively speaking. This is for Season One, and for the classic fan-fave episode "Ice."
I mentioned before I started 'Shipper Surveys in Season Five, and never really got around to filling out more surveys for the earlier seasons like I should have. Especially since there's a slew of classic episodes that are heavy into the 'shipping. This is one of them.
Ice
1)The episode opens in a darkened lab. There are bodies everywhere. Wires pulled from sockets. Consoles smashed. Coffee cups left stacked in the lounge area. WILL NOONE CLEAN THE DISHES, YOU FIENDS? Your immediate response is:
A)Don't blog angry!
B)AND THEY WERE SERVING ONLY DECAF RAAAAAAGGGGGGEEEEEEEE!
C)Dammit, Fox, if you keep living like a slovenly bachelor, Dana will NEVER hold hands with you!
2)A crazed, blood-covered man sits in front of a working camera and utters “We are not... who we are! We are NOT... who we are!” He's then attacked by another survivor, and they body-slam each other through glass walls until they can separate and each grabs a gun. But rather than shoot each other, the two survivors slowly silently agree to raise their guns to their own heads and... DISCRETIONARY CUT TO A SNOWY EXTERIOR, showing us the lab is in a remote Arctic camp. You take this all in and say:
A)This is Season One! Does Chris Carter even have the budget to make a shapeshifting homage to John Carpenter's The Thing?
B)Did you see that dog? Yup. Gonna be a Thing. Did you see that lifeform in the kitchen sink? Yup. Thing. Did you see that guy with a flamethrower aiming for y... WHOA, HEY, MACREADY, I'M NOT INFECTED I'M NOT (fla-wwwwwwwoooooooosssssshhhhhhhhh)
C)Oooooh, this is gonna be one of those scary date movie type episodes! Quick, get the tea!
3)The FBI is sending a team of expendable warriors, uh a team of expendable scientists to the ice station to find out what happened. Among this team will be
You count six people and realize that most quests MUST start with seven people, so you're guessing the seventh person will be:
A)A trout supplier so Scully can slap everyone with fresh trout for their foolishness early and often.
B)An annoying teenage sidekick who'll guess about half the plot points during the episode and get thankfully killed off when he does something clearly stupid.
C)A priest so Dana and Fox can get married in a small quiet ceremony! Also, in case they need to perform an exorcism if this whole thing turns out to be demonic possession or something...
4)The team arrives to devastation and to an angry dog driven to an uncontrolled rage. He bites the pilot before they can subdue, and then they discover the dog is showing signs of infection with blistered skin and a... thing... wriggling just under the skin. When the pilot discovers while alone in the bathroom that he's got the same infection signs, he freaks. You:
A)Tell him that the sane and rational response is to warn the others, get quarantined and secured immediately, and hope they can develop a medical cure to save you.
B)Encourage him to do what every other stupid zombie infectee does in every horror movie ever: panic, tell nobody about it, and get ready to infect everybody else.
C)Wonder if Dana and Fox will share the bathroom later for a quick shower.
5)The early clues as to what happened in the lab point to the scientists unearthing something from ancient Earth history. They dug too greedily and too deep. Which tells you:
A)Balrog.
B)Aliens.
C)There's nothing 'Shippy about this revelation. Move along.
6)The pilot wants to leave right away even as the evidence is pointing to a biological infection, with Mulder arguing for the need to maintain quarantine. The pilot's anger gets the better of him and he starts attacking Mulder and then everybody else, leaving it to Scully to tackle him like a linebacker. They discover whatever was wriggling in the dog is now in the pilot. Where they didn't want to go poking into the dog, this time they go digging into the pilot. With hilarious results. You realize:
A)Scully could have done well in a Tampa-2 defensive scheme. GO BUCS.
B)Okay, cutting into a dog would be too heart-rending, but cutting into the human you need to fly you out? DIDN'T THINK THIS THROUGH DID YA?!
C)Dana made damn sure NOBODY beats up on her boyfriend! Uh, partner!
7)Okay, here's the situation. The pilot's dead. There's a storm shutting down all air traffic for three days. There's a clear worm infestation that can affect and kill people. There's a possibility more people might be infected as this transmits through body fluids and almost everybody got hit with fluids dealing with the dog and the pilot. Oh, and they're out of coffee. This can mean one thing:
A)NO COFFEE? RIOT!
B)NO COFFEE? RIOT!
C)Dana and Fox are just fine, they're cool. They don't need coffee. THEY DRINK TEA! Oh, wait, that's a future episode, I might be SPOILING things right about here...
8)The team decides they need to perform physical check-ups on each other to see if there's any signs of the skin blisters or the Rage worms. The guys segregate to one room while Scully and the female toxicologist go to another to check each other. As the guys strip for the check-up, Mulder quips “Before anyone passes judgment may I remind you we are in the Arctic.” You:
A)Trout-slap him for lack of confidence.
B)Rage at him for trying to joke during a serious problem. WE'RE ALL INFECTED YOU IDIOT WE ARE NOT WHO WE ARE AND... uh... um... wait, I need to keep it cool. No Rage worms, here, I sw (MacReady opens up with the flamethrower again)
C)FOX! Do not go around disappointing Dana like that!
9)Everyone finds a room to sleep in for the night. Locking doors and barricading the halls. Mulder leaves Scully alone to her room just before the shoves heavy furniture in front of it to make sure, you know. Your response?
A)Smart move, St. Scully.
B)What if the worms can climb through the air vents, EVER THINK OF THAT OH GOD OH NO NOOOOOOOO AAAAAAIIIIEEEEEEE... (MacReady's ever-trusty flamethrower flares up for another purge)
C)NOOOOOOOO They're not sharing a room NOOOOOOOOoooooooooo... So what if it's Season One? IT'S THE RIFT IT'S THE RIFT YOU DAMN NOROMOS (weeps) (gets char-broiled by MacReady)
10)The camera pans across the faces of each character. Nobody is sleeping. The geologist guy is listening to his favorite Chargers football game. The suspicious doctor is all suspicious. The normal toxicologist looks nervous. Scully is waiting. Mulder is thirsty. When Mulder decides to venture out to get a drink, you think to yourself:
A)Scully should have brought more Margarita mixes.
B)Wait. That geologist is a Chargers fan?! No wonder he's doomed!
C)Fox. Go check on Dana, she's clearly gonna be mixing up some Margaritas soon...
11)Mulder finds the stuffed-into-the-fridge body of (insert any comic book girlfriend), oh, okay bad taste, I apologize, the stuffed body of the geologist. Because he's acting a little freaked out – since he knows this means someone's infected with a Rage worm – the others jump to the conclusion that he's the one infected. When Scully – close to tears – admits “Mulder, you might not be who you are,” you know:
A)Scully's right. She's always right. So stand right there while she administers the cure (TROUT-SLAP).
B)Did anyone check to see if the front door was locked, because you know this is Alaska at night and there are Vampires and Wendigoes and Sasquatches all over the place and...
C)That Dana is crying up because she's worried her one-in-a-billion might be infected with Rage... sniff... (cries)
12)After locking Mulder into a closet as a quarantine method, Scully gets right to work on finding a cure, something to get the Rage worms out of a victim. This forces the remaining scientists to work with her because at this point being alone and out-of-view is not a good idea. Unfortunately, the pressure starts getting to the surviving team, and with tempers flaring you realize:
A)Everyone but Scully is infected. OKAY, TROUT-SLAPS FOR EVERYONE!
B)WE'RE NOT INFECTED WE'RE JUST DEALING WITH A LOT OF PRESSURE OVER HERE AND DAMMIT MACREADY PUT THAT FLAMETHROWER DOWN IT'S NOT HELPI (Fla-whooooooooossssssssshhhhhhhhhhh).
C)DANA LOVES FOX! YAY!
13)Scully notices that in separate jars the Rage worms want to attack each other, so she puts two of them into one jar to see their reaction. Through the use of incredibly poor CGI, the Rage worms head butt (or is that butt butt, these ARE worms) each other until death. Apparently the solution is to re-infect the infected. You respond with:
A)OF COURSE! IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!
B)Actually, no it doesn't make a lot of sense. Evolution doesn't work like that. Organisms evolve to coexist not compete, and it's self-defeating to destroy your own kind...
C)Unless the Rage worms, being able to mass-produce as a parasitic in host forms, found it favorable to their evolution to instill that rage to spread infection to more hosts! ...Wait, this isn't a 'Shipper answer, disregard! DISREGARD!
14)After testing the hypothesis on the Raged dog with success – the puppy stops being Mr. Bitey – they prepare the last Rage worm they've got on hand to “cure” Mulder. Scully asks for an opportunity to talk to Mulder first to explain what they're doing, so he wouldn't freak out. The remaining doctors say it's a bad idea. You say:
A)SCULLY KNOWS WHAT'S BEST! (Trout-slap)
B)It's a standard PLOT DEVICE IN HORROR MOVIES! SOMEONE TRIES TO TALK TO THE MONSTER! IT NEVER ENDS WELL! DON'T DO IT SCUL (MacReady lights up the flamethrower one more time)
C)SHUT UP DANA NEEDS SOME ALONE TIME WITH FOX (MacReady opens fire with, well, fire)
15)Scully finds Mulder sitting calm but still acting, well, spooky. Mulder points out he hasn't shown more homicidal rage. Scully mentions that the solution is to put another Rage worm in the victim to kill each other off inside the host. Mulder points out that doing that to a non-infectee is just going to spread the Rage worms and make it worse. You point out:
A)Dammit, Mulder, you always have to find a way to ruin a plan don't ya?
B)That if Mulder ever told the conspiracy people ruining his investigtions to “go stick it in your ear,” there's a layer of irony to this moment, just sayin'...
C)That now's the time for a quickie! Lock the closet door! What...?
16)Scully: “You're going to have to trust us.” Mulder: “I don't trust them. I want to trust you.” You:
A)Trust her then!
B)First, get her blood into a petri dish, then flame it, if a little head pokes up, it means she's a Thing! Ready that flamethrower, MacReady!
C)SQUUUEEEEEEEEEEE (note: if you haven't figured it out almost 20 years later, “Trust” is a sexier word than “Sex” to a 'Shipper)
17)Mulder allows Scully to examine his neck, where the Rage worm usually shows itself. After a few seconds of gentle caressing by Scully, all seems okay. When Scully turns around, Mulder roughly grabs her by the shoulders. With a manly growl, he leans in to nibble on her earlobe as Scully leans back and gushes “Oh my!” And then... and... and... what do you mean, those Harlequin romance novels are all exaggerated?
18)Seriously, Mulder takes his time to check Scully for Rage worm. He rubs... nay, caresses the back of her neck, slowly lowering the collar so he can caress down to the spot between the shoulder blades, ever so gentle with his fingers, and... and... okay, I think we're done with this 'Shipper Survey because I think five million 'Shippers just went into blissful comas.
19)Well, since I need to wrap this survey up, let's get to the final round: the other two ignore Scully's report that Mulder doesn't have worms, knock Scully out of the way, and try to hold Mulder down so they can stick it where the sun occasionally shines when Mulder tilts his head ever so. But during the struggle, the suspicious doctor notices the normal toxicologist has a wriggly Rage worm in her neck, meaning Mulder is normal (well, relatively speaking). The normal unassuming toxicologist, now the Infected One, goes on a rampage looking for a weapon to either fulfill her destiny or else find a way to spread her infected blood everywhere. Mulder knocks the gun away, and the three uninfected hold the toxicologist down long enough to drop the Rage worm in (that's still got to hurt the damn eardrum!) and help her calm down. Once that's all done, you:
A)Pour out another Margarita, have it named a Scullyrita in your honor, and get damn drunk 'cause you earned it!
B)Worry that there may be other worms out there, hiding in places like, oh, the headset to the dead Geologist's Walkman. (MacReady shows up, flamethrowers the Walkman) Well, it's outdated tech even for 1993, right?
C)Hope Dana and Fox can share that shower for a cool-down after all!
20)Back at base, Mulder wants to head back to the lab to do a more thorough examination for the Rage worms. The suspicious doctor warns him that he'd already heard from the military that the lab has been firebombed into ash. Mulder, enraged like he's got a Rage worm in him – nah, I kid – turns to Scully and gripes that “it's still out there buried under two-hundred-fifty thousand years of ice.” Scully ends the episode by say “Let it stay buried.” You end the episode by:
A)Serving more Scullyritas, the TRUE CURE for Rage worms!
B)Freaking out and GOING INTO A RAGE-INFESTED TANTRUM HOW DARE THEY NOT GIVE US A SEQUEL HOOK HOW D (MacReady uses his flamethrower one last time, lights a smoke) MacReady: “Maybe we shouldn't get rescued...”
C)Re-watching the neck-rubbing scene! AND AGAIN! AND AGAIN! AND... OH GOD I HOPE THEY HAVE STUFF LIKE THIS IN THE SERIES REBOOT!
If you more often than not answered:
A)Then you are a member of the Order of the Blessed St. Scully the Enigmatic, wondering just where the hell everyone else has been the last 20 years. ARE ANY OF YOU STILL ALIVE?
B)Then you are human. You know you are. And you know some of the other survey takers are human too. Otherwise they'd all be jumping you, trying to turn you into a 'Shipper. WELL IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN! (flames up) (sets fire to all the Infected 'Shippers in the area)
C)Then you are a 'Shipper. You've been that way ever since the 'Shipper worm got into your ear back when you read Little Women in middle school. DAMMIT ALCOTT, YOU SHOULDA MARRIED JO TO LAURIE AND YOU KNOW IT... Ahem... now, BACK TO RE-WATCHING THE NECK RUB SCENE!
Well, relatively speaking. This is for Season One, and for the classic fan-fave episode "Ice."
I mentioned before I started 'Shipper Surveys in Season Five, and never really got around to filling out more surveys for the earlier seasons like I should have. Especially since there's a slew of classic episodes that are heavy into the 'shipping. This is one of them.
Ice
1)The episode opens in a darkened lab. There are bodies everywhere. Wires pulled from sockets. Consoles smashed. Coffee cups left stacked in the lounge area. WILL NOONE CLEAN THE DISHES, YOU FIENDS? Your immediate response is:
A)Don't blog angry!
B)AND THEY WERE SERVING ONLY DECAF RAAAAAAGGGGGGEEEEEEEE!
C)Dammit, Fox, if you keep living like a slovenly bachelor, Dana will NEVER hold hands with you!
2)A crazed, blood-covered man sits in front of a working camera and utters “We are not... who we are! We are NOT... who we are!” He's then attacked by another survivor, and they body-slam each other through glass walls until they can separate and each grabs a gun. But rather than shoot each other, the two survivors slowly silently agree to raise their guns to their own heads and... DISCRETIONARY CUT TO A SNOWY EXTERIOR, showing us the lab is in a remote Arctic camp. You take this all in and say:
A)This is Season One! Does Chris Carter even have the budget to make a shapeshifting homage to John Carpenter's The Thing?
B)Did you see that dog? Yup. Gonna be a Thing. Did you see that lifeform in the kitchen sink? Yup. Thing. Did you see that guy with a flamethrower aiming for y... WHOA, HEY, MACREADY, I'M NOT INFECTED I'M NOT (fla-wwwwwwwoooooooosssssshhhhhhhhh)
C)Oooooh, this is gonna be one of those scary date movie type episodes! Quick, get the tea!
3)The FBI is sending a team of expendable warriors, uh a team of expendable scientists to the ice station to find out what happened. Among this team will be
- MULDER!
- SCULLY!
- The quirky geologist with a love of pro football who'll be one of the obvious guys to die early!
- A suspicious-acting doctor who'll conflict with Scully over the medical stuff often enough to make things worse!
- A normal-looking woman toxicologist who will clearly be unimportant to the story's resolution!
- A bossy transporter – this time an angry airplane pilot – who'll be the first infected because it'll isolate everybody in a dangerous deathtrap for the whole episode!
You count six people and realize that most quests MUST start with seven people, so you're guessing the seventh person will be:
A)A trout supplier so Scully can slap everyone with fresh trout for their foolishness early and often.
B)An annoying teenage sidekick who'll guess about half the plot points during the episode and get thankfully killed off when he does something clearly stupid.
C)A priest so Dana and Fox can get married in a small quiet ceremony! Also, in case they need to perform an exorcism if this whole thing turns out to be demonic possession or something...
4)The team arrives to devastation and to an angry dog driven to an uncontrolled rage. He bites the pilot before they can subdue, and then they discover the dog is showing signs of infection with blistered skin and a... thing... wriggling just under the skin. When the pilot discovers while alone in the bathroom that he's got the same infection signs, he freaks. You:
A)Tell him that the sane and rational response is to warn the others, get quarantined and secured immediately, and hope they can develop a medical cure to save you.
B)Encourage him to do what every other stupid zombie infectee does in every horror movie ever: panic, tell nobody about it, and get ready to infect everybody else.
C)Wonder if Dana and Fox will share the bathroom later for a quick shower.
5)The early clues as to what happened in the lab point to the scientists unearthing something from ancient Earth history. They dug too greedily and too deep. Which tells you:
A)Balrog.
B)Aliens.
C)There's nothing 'Shippy about this revelation. Move along.
6)The pilot wants to leave right away even as the evidence is pointing to a biological infection, with Mulder arguing for the need to maintain quarantine. The pilot's anger gets the better of him and he starts attacking Mulder and then everybody else, leaving it to Scully to tackle him like a linebacker. They discover whatever was wriggling in the dog is now in the pilot. Where they didn't want to go poking into the dog, this time they go digging into the pilot. With hilarious results. You realize:
A)Scully could have done well in a Tampa-2 defensive scheme. GO BUCS.
B)Okay, cutting into a dog would be too heart-rending, but cutting into the human you need to fly you out? DIDN'T THINK THIS THROUGH DID YA?!
C)Dana made damn sure NOBODY beats up on her boyfriend! Uh, partner!
7)Okay, here's the situation. The pilot's dead. There's a storm shutting down all air traffic for three days. There's a clear worm infestation that can affect and kill people. There's a possibility more people might be infected as this transmits through body fluids and almost everybody got hit with fluids dealing with the dog and the pilot. Oh, and they're out of coffee. This can mean one thing:
A)NO COFFEE? RIOT!
B)NO COFFEE? RIOT!
C)Dana and Fox are just fine, they're cool. They don't need coffee. THEY DRINK TEA! Oh, wait, that's a future episode, I might be SPOILING things right about here...
8)The team decides they need to perform physical check-ups on each other to see if there's any signs of the skin blisters or the Rage worms. The guys segregate to one room while Scully and the female toxicologist go to another to check each other. As the guys strip for the check-up, Mulder quips “Before anyone passes judgment may I remind you we are in the Arctic.” You:
A)Trout-slap him for lack of confidence.
B)Rage at him for trying to joke during a serious problem. WE'RE ALL INFECTED YOU IDIOT WE ARE NOT WHO WE ARE AND... uh... um... wait, I need to keep it cool. No Rage worms, here, I sw (MacReady opens up with the flamethrower again)
C)FOX! Do not go around disappointing Dana like that!
9)Everyone finds a room to sleep in for the night. Locking doors and barricading the halls. Mulder leaves Scully alone to her room just before the shoves heavy furniture in front of it to make sure, you know. Your response?
A)Smart move, St. Scully.
B)What if the worms can climb through the air vents, EVER THINK OF THAT OH GOD OH NO NOOOOOOOO AAAAAAIIIIEEEEEEE... (MacReady's ever-trusty flamethrower flares up for another purge)
C)NOOOOOOOO They're not sharing a room NOOOOOOOOoooooooooo... So what if it's Season One? IT'S THE RIFT IT'S THE RIFT YOU DAMN NOROMOS (weeps) (gets char-broiled by MacReady)
10)The camera pans across the faces of each character. Nobody is sleeping. The geologist guy is listening to his favorite Chargers football game. The suspicious doctor is all suspicious. The normal toxicologist looks nervous. Scully is waiting. Mulder is thirsty. When Mulder decides to venture out to get a drink, you think to yourself:
A)Scully should have brought more Margarita mixes.
B)Wait. That geologist is a Chargers fan?! No wonder he's doomed!
C)Fox. Go check on Dana, she's clearly gonna be mixing up some Margaritas soon...
11)Mulder finds the stuffed-into-the-fridge body of (insert any comic book girlfriend), oh, okay bad taste, I apologize, the stuffed body of the geologist. Because he's acting a little freaked out – since he knows this means someone's infected with a Rage worm – the others jump to the conclusion that he's the one infected. When Scully – close to tears – admits “Mulder, you might not be who you are,” you know:
A)Scully's right. She's always right. So stand right there while she administers the cure (TROUT-SLAP).
B)Did anyone check to see if the front door was locked, because you know this is Alaska at night and there are Vampires and Wendigoes and Sasquatches all over the place and...
C)That Dana is crying up because she's worried her one-in-a-billion might be infected with Rage... sniff... (cries)
12)After locking Mulder into a closet as a quarantine method, Scully gets right to work on finding a cure, something to get the Rage worms out of a victim. This forces the remaining scientists to work with her because at this point being alone and out-of-view is not a good idea. Unfortunately, the pressure starts getting to the surviving team, and with tempers flaring you realize:
A)Everyone but Scully is infected. OKAY, TROUT-SLAPS FOR EVERYONE!
B)WE'RE NOT INFECTED WE'RE JUST DEALING WITH A LOT OF PRESSURE OVER HERE AND DAMMIT MACREADY PUT THAT FLAMETHROWER DOWN IT'S NOT HELPI (Fla-whooooooooossssssssshhhhhhhhhhh).
C)DANA LOVES FOX! YAY!
13)Scully notices that in separate jars the Rage worms want to attack each other, so she puts two of them into one jar to see their reaction. Through the use of incredibly poor CGI, the Rage worms head butt (or is that butt butt, these ARE worms) each other until death. Apparently the solution is to re-infect the infected. You respond with:
A)OF COURSE! IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!
B)Actually, no it doesn't make a lot of sense. Evolution doesn't work like that. Organisms evolve to coexist not compete, and it's self-defeating to destroy your own kind...
C)Unless the Rage worms, being able to mass-produce as a parasitic in host forms, found it favorable to their evolution to instill that rage to spread infection to more hosts! ...Wait, this isn't a 'Shipper answer, disregard! DISREGARD!
14)After testing the hypothesis on the Raged dog with success – the puppy stops being Mr. Bitey – they prepare the last Rage worm they've got on hand to “cure” Mulder. Scully asks for an opportunity to talk to Mulder first to explain what they're doing, so he wouldn't freak out. The remaining doctors say it's a bad idea. You say:
A)SCULLY KNOWS WHAT'S BEST! (Trout-slap)
B)It's a standard PLOT DEVICE IN HORROR MOVIES! SOMEONE TRIES TO TALK TO THE MONSTER! IT NEVER ENDS WELL! DON'T DO IT SCUL (MacReady lights up the flamethrower one more time)
C)SHUT UP DANA NEEDS SOME ALONE TIME WITH FOX (MacReady opens fire with, well, fire)
15)Scully finds Mulder sitting calm but still acting, well, spooky. Mulder points out he hasn't shown more homicidal rage. Scully mentions that the solution is to put another Rage worm in the victim to kill each other off inside the host. Mulder points out that doing that to a non-infectee is just going to spread the Rage worms and make it worse. You point out:
A)Dammit, Mulder, you always have to find a way to ruin a plan don't ya?
B)That if Mulder ever told the conspiracy people ruining his investigtions to “go stick it in your ear,” there's a layer of irony to this moment, just sayin'...
C)That now's the time for a quickie! Lock the closet door! What...?
16)Scully: “You're going to have to trust us.” Mulder: “I don't trust them. I want to trust you.” You:
A)Trust her then!
B)First, get her blood into a petri dish, then flame it, if a little head pokes up, it means she's a Thing! Ready that flamethrower, MacReady!
C)SQUUUEEEEEEEEEEE (note: if you haven't figured it out almost 20 years later, “Trust” is a sexier word than “Sex” to a 'Shipper)
17)Mulder allows Scully to examine his neck, where the Rage worm usually shows itself. After a few seconds of gentle caressing by Scully, all seems okay. When Scully turns around, Mulder roughly grabs her by the shoulders. With a manly growl, he leans in to nibble on her earlobe as Scully leans back and gushes “Oh my!” And then... and... and... what do you mean, those Harlequin romance novels are all exaggerated?
 |
| for some reason I cannot find an animated GIF or YouTube clip of this scene. This is all you get, 'Shippers. Let your imaginations do the rest... |
19)Well, since I need to wrap this survey up, let's get to the final round: the other two ignore Scully's report that Mulder doesn't have worms, knock Scully out of the way, and try to hold Mulder down so they can stick it where the sun occasionally shines when Mulder tilts his head ever so. But during the struggle, the suspicious doctor notices the normal toxicologist has a wriggly Rage worm in her neck, meaning Mulder is normal (well, relatively speaking). The normal unassuming toxicologist, now the Infected One, goes on a rampage looking for a weapon to either fulfill her destiny or else find a way to spread her infected blood everywhere. Mulder knocks the gun away, and the three uninfected hold the toxicologist down long enough to drop the Rage worm in (that's still got to hurt the damn eardrum!) and help her calm down. Once that's all done, you:
A)Pour out another Margarita, have it named a Scullyrita in your honor, and get damn drunk 'cause you earned it!
B)Worry that there may be other worms out there, hiding in places like, oh, the headset to the dead Geologist's Walkman. (MacReady shows up, flamethrowers the Walkman) Well, it's outdated tech even for 1993, right?
C)Hope Dana and Fox can share that shower for a cool-down after all!
20)Back at base, Mulder wants to head back to the lab to do a more thorough examination for the Rage worms. The suspicious doctor warns him that he'd already heard from the military that the lab has been firebombed into ash. Mulder, enraged like he's got a Rage worm in him – nah, I kid – turns to Scully and gripes that “it's still out there buried under two-hundred-fifty thousand years of ice.” Scully ends the episode by say “Let it stay buried.” You end the episode by:
A)Serving more Scullyritas, the TRUE CURE for Rage worms!
B)Freaking out and GOING INTO A RAGE-INFESTED TANTRUM HOW DARE THEY NOT GIVE US A SEQUEL HOOK HOW D (MacReady uses his flamethrower one last time, lights a smoke) MacReady: “Maybe we shouldn't get rescued...”
C)Re-watching the neck-rubbing scene! AND AGAIN! AND AGAIN! AND... OH GOD I HOPE THEY HAVE STUFF LIKE THIS IN THE SERIES REBOOT!
If you more often than not answered:
A)Then you are a member of the Order of the Blessed St. Scully the Enigmatic, wondering just where the hell everyone else has been the last 20 years. ARE ANY OF YOU STILL ALIVE?
B)Then you are human. You know you are. And you know some of the other survey takers are human too. Otherwise they'd all be jumping you, trying to turn you into a 'Shipper. WELL IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN! (flames up) (sets fire to all the Infected 'Shippers in the area)
C)Then you are a 'Shipper. You've been that way ever since the 'Shipper worm got into your ear back when you read Little Women in middle school. DAMMIT ALCOTT, YOU SHOULDA MARRIED JO TO LAURIE AND YOU KNOW IT... Ahem... now, BACK TO RE-WATCHING THE NECK RUB SCENE!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)